Dear Self...

Don't complain, don't complain, don't complain.

Sometimes, like 12 midnight and I clearly am behind on the work I was planning to do, I wonder if what I'm doing is really worth it. The job, the freelance job, the extra projects...are they really worth it if it means staying up late, waking up early, being tired?

Right now I am eating a box of Girl Scout Cookies (Thin Mints, my nemesis). Hours ago I ran a mile and a half, going up to an 8 min/mile pace on the treadmill. And right now I'm undoing all of that. Actually the canoli I had right after my gym session undid most of that already. But details, scmetails.

And then I have to remind myself that I am in charge of my own actions. I have made all of the decisions that have led me to where I am now. This is my own choice. So damn it, if you are going to eat the whole foil of cookies, own up to it. And if you are going to feel bad that your lifestyle has no room for the fun stuff, remind yourself that you have plenty of opportunities that many people don't.

Dear self, you have it good. Now back to work, you.

Me, My Career and a Stripper Pole

When I was first making this list, I briefly considered adding "Take a poledancing class" as one of the to-dos. Hell, it seemed like everyone and their grandmas are doing it and it's definitely something I wouldn't do on a typical day. But after that thought passed, I realized that there are lots of other things I'd rather do than to learn how to work the pole. (For example, shoot a rifle.) And honestly, that's not my kind of sexuality. My kind of sexuality is more like "Wow, did you memorize that whole encyclopedia? That's freakin sexy." Haha, just kidding. Kinda.

So when I got an email from one of the top editors last week that they needed more people to be in a photoshoot for a story about a woman getting the nerve to take a poledancing class, my initial reaction was to laugh. And I did exactly that in my reply. But I also said, "Sure, I'll do it." Why?...Why not? I believe that when an opportunity presents itself, you take it (as long as it's not illegal, anyway).

To be honest, a part of me thought I was just going to stand there and look pretty, while the subject of the story was the one who had to do all the pole work. Wrong. We got to the S Factor studio where we were all lead to a very purple room with shiny poles and mats. After a warm up that involved Pilates and yoga-like core work, I found myself learning how to do some moves that I'd be embarrassed to even recreate ever.

And then came the pole. At this point I was beyond concerned about looking ridiculous. (I mean, would you be if you smacked your ass in front of your coworkers 5 minutes into the class?) I was just concerned about flying off the pole and looking idiotic. But turns out, it's not impossible and I managed to do a few, um, rounds.

So there you have it. My intro to the stripper pole, in case all the backup careers fall through. Pictures, you ask? Hell no. But if you look out for next next month's issue of the magazine, you might see me in the background.

Giving Up on #1... Or Not?

Getting something published in print was the first thing that came to mind when putting together this list because it was part of my original career goals. When I went to school for journalism, the plan was to be an on-staff writer at a magazine. But in media, technology shapes the business, and I found myself going down a road to be a web editor/writer -- which isn't a bad thing. It's the future. Or the present, really.

So putting this on the list was a way to get back to that original goal (without losing my full-time job, heh). But I'm going to be honest with myself and say I don't have the time or heart to do it anymore. Pitching and writing freelance work is another full-time job on its own -- it's not as easy as Carrie Bradshaw and other TV frauds make it seem. And I'd like to be able to have a life outside of work. Spending time in front of a screen is just not how one should spend life. There.

Or...for a non-quitter's version, after some shuffling at work I've found myself contributing to the print pages a little more. Because I want to keep this blog separate from my job (it's that whole I-want-to-keep-my-job reason again), I won't mention names, but if you know me, like know me, you know where I work, so pick up a copy and scan the front pages for my bylines. No 2,000 in-depth articles (yet?), but it's my name in print.

I like to think of this as a mature decision because I don't like giving up on anything. Seriously. (I'm still working on being a Sudoku master.) But you have to realize when you have too much on your plate and decide what's more important in your life.

Peace.