I Am the Master of My Fate

Image via Etsy

Out of the night that covers me, 

Black as the pit from pole to pole, 

I thank whatever gods may be 

For my unconquerable soul. 

In the fell clutch of circumstance 

I have not winced nor cried aloud. 

Under the bludgeonings of chance 

My head is bloody, but unbowed. 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears 

Looms but the Horror of the shade, 

And yet the menace of the years 

Finds and shall find me unafraid. 

It matters not how strait the gate, 

How charged with punishments the scroll, 

I am the master of my fate, 

I am the captain of my soul. 

-- "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley

Such a great poem. It never fails to inspire.

Anticipating 2012

I wanted to write a year in review post -- because it seems like everyone is doing their own Top # Things in 2011 -- but I think my last post from September pretty much sums up the highlights. God, that makes my life sound boring.

So! Instead, upon realizing that I don't have anything specific to look forward to in 2012, that's what we're going to talk about.

• To trying more new things. Do you know the feeling of accomplishing something you didn't think you could possibly be good at? It's amazing. Like good sex amazing. If you don't, I highly suggest throwing yourself out of your comfort zone as soon as possible and doing something crazy. Like a pole dancing class. Haha, only half joking here. I still have a Groupon for tennis lessons and sewing lessons to use up, but I'm going to stop ignoring this list and try crossing more things off, and not just because 30's slowly creeping up.
• To staying hungry. I just read Steve Jobs' sister's eulogy (yes, I'm late) and it's inspiring to know someone who did what he loved, and worked at it -- hard. I want that kind of determination and passion. Though I may put in long hours, I feel like I've been walking around with an eh attitude. What's being pessimistic going to do for me? If I'm going to do something, I might as well give it 100%. (Also, I still have a little less than 4 years to make this list.) Sorry in advance for the constant emails, coworkers. 
• To getting what you want. They say you don't get what you don't ask for. And in all of the numerous stories about why women are behind in the workplace, this is always one of the reasons. I know I'm guilty of this, including outside work, like in relationships and being kind to myself. So I'm going to be unapologetic about what I want, what I need and what I deserve.

Of course, there are some not so profound things I'm excited about: like a work ski trip, planning more travels, and possibly another hair color change. 

What's in store for your 2012?

Time for an Update?

Who's still reading this? And why? I checked in on this tonight and was a little mortified to find that my most recent post was about pole dancing. I mean, if a random person found this and got their impression of me through only my blogs, I'd like to be able to offer more than the fact that I learned to dance like a stripper.

Anyway, a quick recap of my progress on this list since June:

• I've been doing Krav Maga somewhat regularly and love it. It's a different approach compared to yoga and running, both of which require no aggression, and hey, at the end of the day, it's nice to be able to hit things and be healthy about it. Also, I got pink MMA gloves. 
• I took a bike riding lesson and learned how to balance...but I couldn't quite get myself to pedal without tipping over, sooo... I guess I'll have to take more lessons. (Do you bike riders secretly have abs of steel from all that balancing? Do you also have more cushion back there? Because ow. I totally get why they have padded shorts now.)
• I got highlights! I'm ashamed to say I checked myself out lots of times after getting them, but they're gorgeous. If I wasn't so afraid of frying my hair, I'd go for a second round. But you'll have to wait a few more months, lovely chemicals.

The during.

• On the Filipino front, so far I've done a volunteer project with other members of CORE at a nursing home last spring (or was it in the fall?), read a new translation of Jose Rizal's El Filibusterismo, and taken on the role of editor of their semi-annual/quarterly newsletter. What can I say? My job follows me everywhere. But it's good to make my contributions however I can.
• Attempting to teach myself Spanish is harder than I thought, in that my ambitious self will set a crazy lesson plan and then my lazy self will say "That's ridiculous, I know espanol muy bien." BUT! I've got a trip to Puerto Rico planned and while that won't make me fluent, I'll at least get to say arroz con pollo, donde esta el bano? y quiero cafe por favor.

Did I miss anything? Until next time, blogosphere. Toodles!

Me, My Career and a Stripper Pole

When I was first making this list, I briefly considered adding "Take a poledancing class" as one of the to-dos. Hell, it seemed like everyone and their grandmas are doing it and it's definitely something I wouldn't do on a typical day. But after that thought passed, I realized that there are lots of other things I'd rather do than to learn how to work the pole. (For example, shoot a rifle.) And honestly, that's not my kind of sexuality. My kind of sexuality is more like "Wow, did you memorize that whole encyclopedia? That's freakin sexy." Haha, just kidding. Kinda.

So when I got an email from one of the top editors last week that they needed more people to be in a photoshoot for a story about a woman getting the nerve to take a poledancing class, my initial reaction was to laugh. And I did exactly that in my reply. But I also said, "Sure, I'll do it." Why?...Why not? I believe that when an opportunity presents itself, you take it (as long as it's not illegal, anyway).

To be honest, a part of me thought I was just going to stand there and look pretty, while the subject of the story was the one who had to do all the pole work. Wrong. We got to the S Factor studio where we were all lead to a very purple room with shiny poles and mats. After a warm up that involved Pilates and yoga-like core work, I found myself learning how to do some moves that I'd be embarrassed to even recreate ever.

And then came the pole. At this point I was beyond concerned about looking ridiculous. (I mean, would you be if you smacked your ass in front of your coworkers 5 minutes into the class?) I was just concerned about flying off the pole and looking idiotic. But turns out, it's not impossible and I managed to do a few, um, rounds.

So there you have it. My intro to the stripper pole, in case all the backup careers fall through. Pictures, you ask? Hell no. But if you look out for next next month's issue of the magazine, you might see me in the background.

#10: Self-Defense Classes -- Kick!

I've taken the first step to learning to kick ass, literally. Thank you Groupon for offering 5 Krav Maga classes for $39. I've signed up!

Maria Menounos did it, so that means I can do it, too right? I might wait a couple of weeks or so to take my first class because after taking a Pilates-fusion class today at NYSC, I got another reminder of just how out of shape I am. Seriously, why did no one snap me out of my injury-caused laziness and drag me to a gym sooner?

Yes, I'm Still Here...and Hellooo Summer!

I guess it's time to revive this blog. But seriously, how do bloggers do this daily? Do you spend all day on your computer? Because then, no thanks.

Anyway, my summer so far has consisted of lots of (much needed) cocktails, more consistent trips to the gym and walks around NYC, including one benefiting YAI Network, a non-profit dedicated to helping people with developmental disabilities (If you can recall, I signed up for this last year too and ended up running instead of walking because I was getting impatient. 30 something minutes for a 5k? God, I miss my more fit self. But this time it was more about supporting a good cause than hitting a PR, so please donate if you can.).

If you can't tell how excited I am about hot weather and more freedom, then, well, I can't help you.

What's in store this summer?

• Celebrating the summer solstice with yoga in Times Square. I've signed up for the 7:30am class. I clearly like to torture myself. Join me and register before spots fill up!
• Connecting with my Filipino roots through CORE.
• Brushing up on Espanol, trapezing, hair coloring, bikram-yoga-ing, and learning how to ride a bike!

Y tu?

#2: Rockclimbing -- Check!

Last December (yeah this post is half a year late) I and some awesome friends went to Brooklyn Boulders to do a little climbing. Is it just me, or do most physical activities look easier when other people are doing them? It took some time to get used to stepping on and gripping on to the tiny "rocks" but after a few tries, I made it CLOSE to the top. Haha! I clearly need to work on my upper body strength and flexibility.

I recommend doing some stretching before and after because I was SORE from head to toe the day after. But it was completely worth it. What a workout!

I Whip My Hair Back and Forth

Actually, I can't. With all this hair, I'd probably break my neck. I'm not 10 years old and agile like Willow Smith after all.

So remember that little change I made to this list about trying a new hair color? It's harder to achieve than I thought. After checking with the only stylist I trust with scissors to my hair, I'm a little scared. She made the very good point that having a new hair color would mean having to touch up my roots. For a low-maintenance person, that's just way too much work. And commitment. I'm not ready!

So I'm going to take her very wise advice to go with highlights instead. I may never have Julianne Moore's hair (sigh). To make sure I don't chicken out, I bought the Travelzoo deal for a cut, color and gloss package at Ted Gibson's salon. (The deal is still open so if you want to get your hair did, go get it!) Laying down the cash means I'll actually go and do it. That's a piece of weight loss/workout advice I learned at work that I am using towards my vanity. Sounds about right.

Maybe I'll get something similar to Katie Holmes' hair color (and style even?), although my hair color is close enough to this already:

What do you guys think? Ted Gibson, I leave my hair in your hands!

Take This Love and Take It Down

Climbed a mountain and I turned around

Landslide is one of those songs that seems to come into my life when I need it: about four years ago when my uncle died of cancer, super mommy blogger Damomma wrote a very touching blog post using the lyrics to talk about her grandmother's death. If a blog could give out hugs, her blog post did just that. I'd link to her post, but she doesn't archive posts older than two years. Frankly when I worked for the not-to-be-named mommy magazine, I didn't really feel like I should be writing for them. I didn't belong in that club. But reading Damomma's posts was a highlight of my job. If I could write anything like Liz, I'd be pretty freakin happy.

Then I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
But the landslide brought it down

I remember listening to this song more than six years ago too, riding the train on my weekend trips to Long Island. I felt like I had to choose between two lives. Or that I was straddling between them.

Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?

And now, at another big transition point, tonight's Glee episode (don't judge me, I still refuse to call myself a Gleek) brought me back to this song.

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I have to.

Well I've been afraid of changing, cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, children get older
I'm getting older too.
Well I'm getting older too.

Change is good. Right?

Hello, 2011 (One Week Late)

I wanted  to end 2010 by highlighting the good parts:

• I got a promotion at work. Yay! Let me tell you, the relief that comes with having health insurance again is indescribable. 
• I made a very big step towards the next part of my life. I can't elaborate on this, but you'll have to take it as it is.
• I completed 9 out of the 25 on my list: rock climbing (update to come soon! And by soon I mean, in the next month or so), drinking for my career (aka industry happy hour), shooting a rifle, treating myself to a spa day, learning CPR, testing my limit (and taunting my sanity) by forgoing coffee, donating blood, cooking, and joining a Filipino-American organization.

And now for 2011, I hope to regain some balance between my personal and professional life (maybe even resuscitate my social life), slowly restart my fitness routine and continue learning. But before that, I'm off to a trip to the Philippines tomorrow for some family time -- and squeezing in some traveling too. See you in 2 weeks!

What's in store for you for 2011?